Toy Flops with Tri-Clops #1

1

triclops

Toys that should be thrown in the dungeon!

#1: Rock Lords

rocklords

Rarrgh! What foul sorcery created these poor excuses for warriors!? They don’t even have furry loincloths!

We had a guy like this on Eternia. I loaded him into a catapult and launched him at Castle Grayskull. Of course, the castle is protected by magic so he smashed into a million pieces. How we laughed! Haha!

Transformers was pretty popular in the 80s, everyone had the toys. Beast-Man used to steal mine, but one time I replaced the toys’ missiles with real warheads to teach him a lesson. He suffered third-degree burns.
These were clearly created to cash in on the success of the Robots in Disguise. But why, oh, why would anybody want to play with a toy that vaguely looks like a person, and folds up to barely resemble a rock? What are you supposed to do with it? Throw rocks at your friends, and then reveal that they were not rocks at all, but action figures?

I do not see the play value. Heed my words, for my three eyes offer me great insight, but poor depth perception.

Hail Skeletor!

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One comment on “Toy Flops with Tri-Clops #1

  1. Skeletor says:

    Tri-Clops! Who said you could review shitty toys from the 80’s?! I want you out there attacking Castle Grayskull now! And don’t come back until you’ve captured the Sorceress! And make sure my Double Mochacappufrappalattechino has a fucking lemon twist this time!

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