Toys that speak with a devil’s tongue
#3: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
Ah, a cheap knock-off of the iconic Power Rangers Megazord! These were ten-a-penny back in 1993. I got the bona fide article for Christmas, and was pleased as punch when I… I… Wait, what…?
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Oh, have mercy…! If there existed some technology that converted spoken words into a format that could be recorded and transmitted to you (surely the machinations of a heretic), you would’ve heard my girlish, unbridled squeals of laughter. I totally cracked up.
Right, on with the show:
It’s an impostor, folks. This mighty Megazord fights not for the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, but for their non-union cousins, the Mighty Guardian Power Riders! Their logo is really similar, although they seem to have swapped the trademark lightning bolt for a blob of raspberry jam.
The Megazord itself seems to be a generic robot swathed in looky-likey Megazord indicia; without the colours, it really has no resemblance to the genuine article at all, save for the head. He needs to see a new orthodontist, though. They took the request for a new “grille” rather literally.
The design of the box is actually quite nice, it’s an interesting shape, and has that nebulous, dreamlike artwork that decorates bootleg toys and fairground rides everywhere.
The rangers (or Riders, I suppose) are all wearing the same costume, but in different colours. It’s cheaper that way: they’re purchased en masse, and dyed in a bucket at home. Their helmets appear to be based on an animal of some kind. A bird, perhaps? I dunno, we can narrow it down to a species with two eyes.
The box also boasts of the toy’s play features. We know it has “MOVING HANDS AND FOOTS” (rather useless without moving arms and legs) and “4×4 FRICTION POWER”. That’s confusing… We can assume it’s motorised, but the method of locomotion is unknown. Wheels in the feet? They seem too small to house a motor. I reckon we’re looking at wheels in the back, and you lie the Megazord down as if he’s doing the luge at the Olympic games. True or not, it’s still funny.
Strangeness Rating: 3/5 – It’s really not that strange. Quite typical, really. It’s the name that pushes this up to a three-star rating.
“Heard my girlish”