Pretty Little Things #6

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As Stevie Wonder once asked – Isn’t He Lovely?

#6: Prowl

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“The weed of crime bears bitter fruit”

Egads! Something has gone terribly wrong with the Toy Meets World machine that usually cranks out these chauvinistic articles…!

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Around The Toybox #1

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You see folks, I’m not really a toy collector. In fact, “collector” is a dirty word around my house. I’m more of a toy lover (ooer!) – I just really like toys. Although I tend to stick to things that I have strong memories of, over the years I’ve managed to acquire a great many waifs and strays that just don’t fit in anywhere.

So this week, let’s take a look at some He-Man knock-offs I had when I was a kid. The main appeal of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, for me, was the uncanny characters. These guys, being cheap bootlegs, have no names or backstory at all. Let’s remedy that – I’ll just make it up as I go, and we’ll see if the fates are kind to these lost warriors.

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Pretty Little Things #5

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Pretty Little Things: Toys I fancy a bit.

#5: Cadbury Caramel Bunny

Some of my tastes are a little odd. Eccentric even. But I know for sure that I cannot be alone on this. Cadbury is a part of everyone’s childhood – we’ve all enjoyed their tooth-rotting chocolate-flavoured vegetable fat – so when they introduced the Caramel Bunny in the eighties, it’s fair to assume that we were all exposed to her somehow. I think it’s also fair to assume that young men like me were perhaps a little smitten with her.

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Top Ten Cartoon Choons

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Ah, it feels good to be firmly in the realm of toys and cartoons again. Like sinking into a warm bath, or slipping on an old pair of shoes – you know the ones; with the heels worn through and the laces that you haven’t undone in seven years.

It may surprise you to learn that I love music. Not any specific music or genre or artist, just music in general. It’s a uniquely human thing; of all the animals on this planet we alone have the ability to appreciate it. So, to that end, I have compiled a list of the top tunes from Eighties cartoons. I’ve left out a few of the obvious ones that always come up in these lists because, well, they’re usually shit. Memorable, perhaps, but not necessarily any good.

Let’s begin – grab your headphones, plug in and let the music flow unimpeded through you. Like the Force. Or my mum’s casserole.

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Phantasy Island

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I love comics and superheroes. If you cut me in half, I’d probably have the word “MARVEL” running through me like a stick of rock. Either that or something really rude. Speaking of, I was in Torquay the other day, and went into a sweet shop. The rock shelf was a catalogue of obscenities that would literally kill Grandma if her eyes worked well enough for her to read. Times have changed, it seems.  I do wonder what kind of person would want to spend all day licking a piece of pink candy that says “DICKHEAD” anyway.

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Comp-U-Zone #2

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Toys with buttons and silicon hearts

#2: Sega Dreamcast

Click this to see more pixels than ever thought possible.

Lies! The swirl was bluuuuuue!

As a child, I very much lived in the past, much as I do now. This is because we didn’t have any money, so nice shiny new things were crossed off my Christmas list with a big red pen. It didn’t bother me at all, really. I was happy and grateful for what I was given, even if it was second-hand.
My point is that I was always a few steps (or paradigm shifts) behind my friends, especially when it came to technology and computers. One Christmas in the early nineties, I was given a typewriter. My friends up the road had a computer with Windows; it had colourful graphics, sound and their dad had a hidden folder with some naughty pictures inside. They were pretty smug about it. But I loved that fucking typewriter.

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