Palace of Tat #1

4

People buy and sell some freaky, weird stuff. TMW takes a look at some of the stranger things found lurking on eBay, at boot sales, or in the old ladies’ hunting ground of charity shops:-

you-never-know-what-youll-find-at-the-thrift-shop-26#1 Framed Magnum P.I. picture

I have a confession. For a good long while I thought this was a picture of The A-Team.

But no, it’s everyone’s favourite TV private eye Thomas Magnum and chums! People thought Magnum was a bit of a hunk, back in the day. Not exactly a huge accolade when you consider the other TV detectives of the era; Columbo only had one eye, Ironside was overweight, and Kojak was bald and smoked like a chimney until he gave up the cigs for lollipops.

We also have Higgins, T.C and the other one who’s a bit like Face but not, affectionately resting his arm on Tom Selleck’s broad and hairy shoulders. It’s very sweet, what those two have.

#2 Army of Michael Jordansthe-things-you-find-at-the-thrift-shop-35-photos-36

Space Jam was brilliant. Everyone I knew loved the movie, even though basketball isn’t really much of a thing over here in Blighty. Sexy cartoon rabbits are very much a British creation, however, so you can probably thank Cadbury for Lola Bunny.

Anyway, where did this legion of Tune Squad Michaels come from!?

He’s frozen in a sitting position, so you can only really put him on a shelf or bedside table so he can watch you sleep. His arm is extended like he’s eternally asking for a high five.

I’ll give you a high five, Mike. Because you taught me to believe in myself.

you-never-know-what-youll-find-at-the-thrift-shop-15#3 Sharon, Lois and Bram record

I’ve never heard of these people in all my life. I thought I knew most things, thanks to the internet. It turns out they’re the Canadian equivalent of Rod, Jane and Freddy.

They even have a Bungle analogue in the form of a big elephant which I assume they shot and stuffed while on safari in Tanganyika.

Not to change the subject, but I was quite fond Rod and company when I was a lad, even if they did dress like Betelgeuse (or Beetlejuice, whatever). My mum made me watch their “Say No to Strangers” video again and again. But having never met Rod, Jane OR Freddy, they were strangers too. So I didn’t listen.

I miss you, Old Mum.

you-never-know-what-youll-find-at-the-thrift-shop-31-photos-231#4 Teenage Mutant Hero Trolltles

Someone needs to call Shredder to make turtle soup out of these guys. But it would probably be full of hair and taste like shit.

Turtles were a 90s phenomenon. Trolls were a 90s phenomenon. This is physical proof that never the twain should meet.

the-things-you-find-at-the-thrift-shop-35-photos-12#5 Lucy Lawless… thing. Lantern, perhaps.

I missed out on Xena: Warrior Princess because it was on Channel 5. The average Brit was lucky to get four channels, even then only if the weather was good and you were born after 1982.

The show still has a loyal fanbase to this day, so it must have been pretty good. Xena reminds me a little of one of the Gladiators. I fancied the neon leotards off of those ladies back in the early nineties. Even now the words Jet, Lightning or Saracen send a little tingle through my trousers. (Saracen was a bloke – Luke)

you-never-know-what-youll-find-at-the-thrift-shop-1#6 Gizmo 90-Piece Puzzle

Did Gizmo ever drive a car in the films? I suppose he must have done, it seems like something he would do – if he can dress like Rambo and make a little bow and arrow, then he can drive a car.

But just LOOK at the expression on his face! Holy shit. He’s angry and he means business. He’ll mow you down and reverse to finish the job, just like those guys in The Toxic Avenger.

That’s the way I want to go; brutally run over by a guinea pig driving a pink Corvette Stingray.

you-never-know-what-youll-find-at-the-thrift-shop-31-photos-271#7 Cat in the Brain

More nightmare fuel. I assume this is the Laserdisc version of a film, although the website I stole the image off claims it’s a board game (it seems a bit thin for that). It can’t possibly be as grusome or as frightening as the box claims, even if it was BANNED IN ENGLAND.

But why is the box in English, then? Huh? HUH!?

See, I didn’t watch Magnum P.I. for Tom Selleck’s good looks, y’know.

The illustration is both hilarious and horrifying. The film/game is called ‘Cat in the Brain’ and it seems the artist took that extremely literally. Groo!

the-things-you-find-at-the-thrift-shop-35-photos-20#8 Painting of Two Unicorns

Ahhh… something sweet, at last. As resident unicorn expert I was called upon to analyse this painting. I was asked how you tell the difference between a lady unicorn and a stallion. One thorough and anatomically correct diagram later, the guys said they’d never ask again.

These unicorns are touching horns, which is actually an intimately sexual act for a unicorn and should really be censored.

That is all. More coming soon.

“Leotards Off”

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4 comments on “Palace of Tat #1

  1. Lucio Fulci made a board game!? how odd, I’m a big fan of his movies, but a board game by him would be utterly insane!

    • Adam says:

      Thanks for commenting, Bruce! All I know of Lucio Fulci is the film “Zombi 2”, but only because the numbering and titling of the films is notoriously inconsistent.

      Cat in the Brain sounds like it would be a good film, though. 😀

      • Known as Zombi 2 in the states to cash in on Romero’s excessively popular zombie series. In Europe it was titled the much cooler “Zombie Flesh Eaters” and is without a doubt (in my humble opinion) the greatest and ‘splattiest’ zombie movie ever made, so yay for that… only watch if you have a strong stomach my friend.

      • Adam says:

        Haha! I might heed your warning and give it a miss, then! 😀

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